I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
