theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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