Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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