he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
