Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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