Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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