smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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