I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
