Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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