if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
