This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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