Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize