Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
