Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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