is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
