I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
