Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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