there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
