Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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