remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
