if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
