i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
