Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
