Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
