Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
