Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
