someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
