just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
