I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
