Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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