She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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