I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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