I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
