Welp...herpes.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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