you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize