apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
