I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
