I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
