You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
