i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
