he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
