And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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