Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
two words...techno handjob
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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