I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
