Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We had to coat check the pizza.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
