so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
