I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
