Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
