I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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