i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
