JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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