We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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