Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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