i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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