tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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