Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I am one with the molecules
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
