I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
