i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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