Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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