you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
