Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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