Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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