All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
