I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
