she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I've blown a few things in my day
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
