one two three fourrrrnication!
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
