was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
