I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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