His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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