I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
