i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
tell me about the fingering
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
