She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
