I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize