with your own penis?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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