3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
