ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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