I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize