I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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