you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
