And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
