Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
