You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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