my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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