dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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