i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Sext me about skeletons
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
