How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
