I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
