Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
whose parrot is this?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
