I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
