it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
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