why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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